British snacks are not to everyone’s taste. You may be salivating when you read through this list or decide that our snacks are an abomination.
British Snacks from Heaven to Hell
As one man’s meat is another man’s poison, l will take you through my personal list of British snacks from heaven to hell, in descending order, with one snack that I wouldn’t touch with a barge pole.
1. Marmite (on toast) is the King and Queen of British Snacks
During the First World War, Marmite was included in a soldier’s rations as it is choc-full of vitamins and its treacly appearance looks like something medicinal.
Marmite is an industrial by-product of beer brewing, but it tastes nothing like beer. It has a distinctive savoury, almost anchovy taste.
A little goes a long way, and it needs to be spread very thinly on buttered toast.
You either love or loathe it. The ones who hate it have probably tried to eat it on a teaspoon straight from the jar!
“Marmite. You either love it or hate it” is the manufacturer’s clever advertising slogan to get the masses to rise to the challenge of tasting this tongue-tingling spread.
However, I don’t need any persuading….I could wake up in the middle of the night craving English Breakfast tea and Marmite on toast. I’m voting this as the acme of my food heaven. And if you want to know where I buy my tea from, here it is.
2. Served toasted Warburton’s Crumpets are a Divine British Snack
A crumpet is a cold, rubbery thing and extremely unappetizing if eaten cold straight from the packet. Crumpets need to be put through the toaster several times until they are almost crunchy on top.
Butter is then lavishly spread. When the butter has trickled down the bubbly holes and coated the underside, they are ready to be livened up with a slathering of fruity jam like Tiptree Strawberry Preserve.
This is what all sane Londoners enjoy for afternoon tea at home on wintery days.
3. Heinz Baked Beans is the Preferred British Snack for Tired Chefs
Beans on toast is the dish of choice for Michelin-starred London chefs. They come home exhausted after creating gourmet delicacies in their restaurant kitchen and heat a simple tin of beans until it is bubbling and eat them on buttered toast.
Quick and delicious, beans on toast can be greatly enhanced with a grating of cheddar cheese.
4. McVities Digestive Biscuits
Perhaps digestive biscuits are not the king of British biscuits – they are far too plain for that. However, their wheaty, malty taste and crumbly texture make them the perfect accompaniment to a British cuppa.
The chocolate versions are very popular. Milk chocolate or dark chocolate is rippled on the surface of the digestive biscuit.
I like the plain ones, which make a tasty snack with a corner of cheddar cheese.
5. The Best of British Snacks for Chocolate Lovers is Nestle Kit Kat
I remember reading that Princess Diana (she was an avid dieter) was quite partial to two fingers of Kit Kat.
This iconic British chocolate biscuit is sold in two-finger and four-finger versions.
I used to get great pleasure from removing the paper wrapper, followed by the thin foil covering.
Snapping the individual fingers apart was also strangely satisfying.
Now in my opinion, the manufacturers have royally screwed things up. They have brought out bizarre flavours like orange, mint and apple pie. What’s that all about? And they have replaced the paper and foil wrapper with recyclable plastic. Nestle, stop interfering with our Traditional British snacks!
6. Melton Mowbray Pork Pies
Pork Pies are one of those things that are almost impossible to make at home unless you are a Cordon Bleu-trained cook with a few days of free time. The distinctive hot water pastry needs a deft hand. I won’t tell you how the jelly encasing the sausage meat is made. I’ll give you a clue, it’s something to do with boiling animal feet. (Try not to think about it.)
Pork pies are one of the most portable of British snacks. Take them to your Ascot picnic. They are welcome in all social circles.
The best place to hunt out this snack is the Ginger Pig in Marylebone or Fortnum and Mason’s food hall. However, as we are shopping in the supermarket today, you could look for the Dickinson and Morris Melton Mowbray pork pie with the longest use-by date, ensuring that the thick pastry is at its freshest.
7. Mr Kipling Cakes Rank High in the Nation’s Favourite British Snacks
Mr Kipling is missing a trick. He needs to bring out a selection of his favourite cakes in one special tasting box.
The top of my list would be the Battenberg Cake, which comprises lurid coloured sponge covered in a thin layer of jam and encased in marzipan.
I am also partial to a French Fancy, which was popular in the era of Lyons Corner Houses. A square of sponge is topped with a dollop of vanilla faux cream and enrobed with strawberry, chocolate or lemon flavoured icing.
You may also want to try Mr Kipling’s almond fingers or jam tarts.
8. Quality Street is Much Loved by Families at Christmas
British families have bought tins of Quality Street for decades as a Christmas treat. We would watch the Queen’s Speech on Christmas Day while stuffing our faces and fighting over the purple ones with their caramel and hazelnut centres. They don’t put enough purple ones in the box, in my opinion, and the fruit creams and hard toffee are left to languish at the bottom.
Now that the supermarkets have introduced these smaller cardboard boxes, there is no need to wait for Christmas to enjoy them – they make great British snacks when you are on the move, as they are individually wrapped.
9. Bassett’s Liquorice All Sorts – Not a Fan but You Might be
You would need to be a massive fan of black liquorice to buy a packet of these chewy, black sweets. Some of these confections have a strange beaded coating in poisonous colours like pale blue. Liquorice All Sorts are something of an acquired taste. The weird thing is that whichever one you eat, they all seem to taste the same. I’d put them somewhere down the list beneath other old-fashioned British sweets like pear drops and jelly babies. We are here to live dangerously, so buy a packet.
10. Walker’s Crisps are a Legend in their Life Time
When I was growing up, crisps came in just one flavour: plain. A small blue twisted paper was somewhere at the bottom, containing salt that you sprinkled to your taste.
I then recall the traumatic introduction of the cheese and onion, salt and vinegar and chicken flavours. This is when it all started to fall apart for me.
Then I saw someone set light to a crisp, which oozed fats and oils, and I knew my crisp-eating career was over.
Let us not forget that crisps are part of the standard British lunch meal deal…a sandwich, a bag of crisps, and a fizzy drink is lunch for millions.
All those millions of Brits can’t be wrong. Or can they?
British Snacks – The Pot Noodle is My Food from Hell
Pot Noodles Belong in a Lab, not on your Spoon.
I want to meet the man who invented the Pot Noodle.
I mean, who in their right mind would invent a snack of dehydrated noodles and add assorted flavours which come to life with boiling water and then call it lunch?
When I was at University, there was a spotty science student who acquired a bad case of malnutrition by eating Pot Noodles for every meal. In the defence of Pot Noodle, I’m sure that these are intended as an occasional snack, and who knows, the recipe may now be fortified with micronutrients.
I don’t think I have had a pot noodle in fifty years, and I am not about to start now.
These traditional London Snacks can be purchased at all the major supermarkets, including Waitrose, Sainsbury’s and Tesco. Enjoy your London snacks.
